Lipscomb basketball gets stuck

I go on bus trips only. Zack Olley is a superior man than me or something, so he gets to miss class for plane trips to Florida Gulf Coast, Stetson and the other faraway schools. But, for some reason, Lipscomb basketball always takes a bus to USC Upstate in Spartanburg, S.C.

It was my only overnight trip of the season, so of course something had to go horribly wrong. The guys defeated the Spartans on their home court, despite Upstate’s student section singing the Waterboy song at me every time I stood up to do my job. (Extended paranthetical time!) (Frankly, I wasn’t mad about it. It was much more attention than I ever get at home games.) But there wasn’t much else that was worth mentioning at the game.

The ride home didn’t seem all that bad. Five hours after a win was doable. We got on the road quickly, put in a movie and it was business as usual. Guys were sleeping, listening to music or cutting up in the back.

Then it all stopped.

Accounts of the event vary, but most of us agree that about an hour into the trip, either a bloodthirsty squirrel or a gang of unruly street youths somehow caused the back right tire to fall clean off the bus.

The damage...
The damage…

The bus was stopped on the side of I-26.

And we still had four hours to go after we started moving again.

We nearly resorted to cannibalism.

Screen Shot 2016-02-23 at 5.20.30 PM
Shameless promotion of my own Twitter account (click on picture)

Dylan Greene suggested sacrificing me for food about 16 times. Luckily I survived, as I explained to him that I was the least nutritious of all the people on the bus. If you had to pick someone, it would obviously be 7-foot-3, 265-pound David Wishon.

The first hour on the stopped bus was slow. No one wanted to take his headphones off or pay attention to the crisis at hand, so we just acted like the bus was still moving. But around 8 p.m., when we realized how long it would be until help arrived, someone got the bus intercom out, and things got a little weird.

All I remember is this:

  • Asa Duvall freestyling
  • Nate Moran recapping unfortunate party stories
  • Nate talking in a hideously bad Asian-woman accent for way too long
  • Nate doing imitations, especially of Asa
  • A less-than-good-natured imitation of the kinda creepy women’s basketball coach

And then it had been two hours. Morale was going down. Someone had a copy of some decent Will Smith movie, and when that was over, we realized that we STILL weren’t moving.

The next hour was dark. I had to fight off multiple Division I athletes trying to eat me in my sleep. I think the lowest point was when our girls’ basketball team rolled by without so much as slowing down. But finally, the rescue car came. It took about 45 minutes to fix the tire, but we were rolling again.

four hours
Spongebob French Narrator Transition Cards are the only thing I can use to capture how long it felt until the bus started rolling again.

An emergency stop at Burger King, with a $141.39 bill, got us back on the road with four hours to go. We arrived at school at 3:30 a.m. Sunday morning.

It was good times, in the sense that I never want to go through that again.

Which event do you wish I recorded on my phone while the bus was stopped?

2 thoughts on “Lipscomb basketball gets stuck

  1. Cole mate! It is always fascinating reading your articles as it provides a good insight into life on the bench. Being an athlete I know you’re not just a water boy and manager, I am sure the team appreciates your work and dedication to them! Keep up the good work, I hope you had fun and enjoyed the experience of traveling with the boys.

    – George

    Like

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